Newsbiscuit nails it again

Iraqi PM wishes Western politicians would call before visiting

Nouri al-Maliki, the Prime Minister of Iraq, called on politicians from his country’s allies, including the UK and the United States, to telephone in advance before making surprise visits to the country.

‘Of course we’re very grateful to them for getting rid of Saddam and all that…’ said the country’s first democratically elected leader for a generation. ‘But it doesn’t mean they can just keep turning up whenever they feel like it for a photocall with the Iraqi government.’

‘It’s always the same,’ complained Mrs Maliki, “just as soon as me and Nouri sit down to dinner in front of ‘Afghanistan’s Next Top Martyr’, the doorbell goes. It’s sure to be Condoleeza ‘just passing through’ but expecting a 7-course state banquet – despite her claims that she already had something on the plane. You could set your clock by it.’

The Prime Minister’s plea for a bit of advanced warning from visitors followed ‘the final straw’ when Dick Cheney turned up just as he’d got into the bath. Having answered the door sopping wet and in his dressing gown, Maliki was worried he’d catch a chill while making polite chit-chat with the US Vice-President, ‘I was freezing my nuts off standing there but he woouldn’t take the hint when I didn’t invite him in. Kept making these little jokes about me having a towel on my head, and that ‘I thought we banned the bath party’. Very funny Dick.’

At the moment during the interview Maliki put his finger to his lips and crouched down behind the sofa. ‘Shh! Pretend we’re not in. It’s that Des Browne bloke from England. He’s always dropping by and I’m not even sure exactly who he is or what he does. I wouldn’t mind so much if he didn’t always eat all my biscuits. If we keep quiet he should give up in a minute,’ said the Iraqi PM, as an insistent tapping started on the hallway window.

Posted: 25 March 2008 by sheldonprice (with thanks to Red)