Monday, 25 February 2008

Dramatic increase in the number of proud parents whose sons ‘do something with computers’

The government has been criticised for cutting the number of staff working for the British Jobs Survey, and relying instead on information gathered from the elderly parents of those in work.
The latest figures based on this method of collecting employment data has seen a dramatic rise in the number of people who ‘do something in computers’ with the encouraging news that 100% of them ‘are doing very well.’ Other jobs that were revealed to be on the increase were ‘working in London’, ‘something to do with money’ and ‘in a very smart office’. According to the survey of parents, not a single individual was reported to be working as a ‘senior financial advisor to systems analyst set ups’ although this may have been covered by the wider demographic described as ‘working for a big firm who are one of the top ones.’

‘It is ridiculous to attempt to rely on this sort of vague and ill informed data,’ said Professor Sally-Anne Donohue, Senior Statistician at the British Jobs Survey.

However her authority to comment on such matters was brought into question by her official entry in the Elderly Parents’ survey. According to the latest information ‘Sally-Anne’s still working at the moment, yes, which is a shame. I think she’s a secretary or something. But these days it’s actually quite common for a girl to work for a little while before you start a family.

I expect she’ll meet a nice man soon and be able to stay at home. Our Bryan’s doing very well though. He’s something to do with computers…’
.....another gem brought to you by newsbiscuit

This made me smile...

Chelsea 1 - 2 Tottenham (1-1 aet)

Does the shadow Jose's first trophy signal troubled times for AG ?

It should have been Grants first piece of silverware and, even though he maintained throughout the campaign that the Blues had their sights on higher things, you have to believe he'll be smarting from this one. Not just because we lost, but the manner of the defeat. Out played, out thought and out fought by a team who wanted it more than us - it was never Jose's style to be out'd like this and so comparisons and questions will inevitably start all over again.

There's lots of pieces written this morning about team selection but very few fans would have been moaning when the saw the team sheet - I wasn't !! Drogba and Anelka up front, SWP picked ahead of Joe Cole to stop things going narrow. Lamps and Essien with the Jedi holding (ok maybe Ballack could have started but ....), JT back as captain and Belletti and Bridge for speed going forward. No one complained before kick off. This team, on paper, had all it needed to win but ...... they played poorly, Spurs were sharper and hungrier and that's what counted in the end.

The AG issue will be the tactics and ability to change things during open play. It was clear from very early on that the formation was not working and players weren't performing. Essien looked knackered, Anelka was way off (he's OK drifting out wide but clearly not starting from there), SWP was a shadow of his terrier like performance against Spurs in the league (when he was at the top of a diamond) and Belletti was too nervous. Now you cant change everything, but Joe Cole at half time looked an obvious call and Ballack replacing the Jedi with Essien dropping into a holding role was also a possibility. Nothing happened though and inevitably Spurs got back into the game and once their tails were up there was no stopping them.

Of course the ref was poor - it was Halsey !! - and extra time was almost as much of a farce as Cechs lunge at the free kick (he did stop two other certain goals though !!) but the bottom line was that we played poorly, weren't good enough, Spurs played at their best and wanted it more ..... end of !!

Now we need to regroup and focus on winning a tough away game at Upton Park followed by the swift and efficient dispatching of Olympiakos a few days later to put things back on track. Anything less and the knives will be out.

Wednesday, 20 February 2008

A bore draw in Athens

Olympiakos 0-0 Chelsea

JT and Lamps joined Big Nick and SWP on the bench on a freezing night in Athens that hardly warmed the cockles of anyones hearts let alone any other bodily parts. Possibly our worst display since Rosenberg and, even though Kalou could have nicked a win in the final seconds, a draw always looked the likely outcome.

Still, its better than a defeat and puts us in a good position for the return leg in a fortnight but it was dull dull dull dull dull.

The BBC match report is here

Saturday, 16 February 2008

Chelsea 3 - 1 Huddlsfield (FA cup 5th Rnd)

Its a strange line-up for the Blues given the opposition and the fact that everyone is now back and most are fit. Drogba, Chec, Ash & Joe Cole, Ballak, Malouda and Maka dont even make the bench. Ess, Rickey, Sheva, Anelka and Hilaro are the subs, so Chlesea line up with Carlo in goal, Ferreira, Ben Haim, JT (making an incredibly early return) and Bridgey at the back. Lamps, Jedi and Sidwell across the middle with Kalou, Pizarro and Scott Sinclair up front. AG's clearly got a trip to Greece on his mind. Frank Sinclair makes a long overdue return to the bridge at right back for Huddersfield and gets a warm welcome from the crowd

The first half is all Chelsea with lots of slick passing which is capped off on 17mins when Lamps drives in a scuffed Scott Sinclair cross. That’s his 100th Chelsea goal. Its 1-0 and cursing but not all that that effective - Lamps has some pretty tame strikes from well outside the box and when Sidwell tries the same things he skys his shots well over the bar - he's rubbish even in this company..... and then right on half time its 1-1. A lifted pass from Chris Brandon finds Michael Collins in behind Ferreira who keeps his cool to fire past Carlo. That's the last effort of the half and leaves the Blues looking stunned as they trapse off.

No changes as we start the 2nd half however its Huddersfield who start the brighter and a another cross field pass in behind Ferreira almost opens Chelsea up. Kalou then has the ball in the net after 10mins only for it to be ruled offside. Still Chelsea press and on the hour Lamps drives into the box this time and nets a rebound after his initial shot is parried by Matt Glennon on the Huddersfield goal. Its 2-1 but still not comfortable. It should be now though as Sinclair nets after Pizarro dribbles past the whole Huddersfield back line but that effort is also ruled out for offside.
It’s looking better now though as Kalou latches on to a pass from Lamps and darts into the box before slotting the ball home under Glennon. 70mins gone and that's 3 - 1. Sidwell is finally removed (not before time) on 75mins to be replaced by Sheva in what looks like a switch to 4-4-2. In the final 10mins Essien replaces Lamps and then Anelka replaces Pizarro so they can bth get a run out but it’s all over.

Into the quarter finals and now off to Greece - come on you Blues !

Thursday, 14 February 2008

Archbishop claims introduction of Sod’s Law is inevitable

The Archbishop of Canterbury caused controversy today by claiming that the adoption of elements of Sod’s Law into UK law ‘seems inevitable.’ He claimed that Sod’s Law had a strong hold over many marginalised groups within the country and that it would create sense of unity.
Dr Rowan Williams told Radio 4 that the law could apply to many areas, such as toast landing butter-side down or three buses arriving together after a half hour wait. He stressed that ‘nobody in their right mind would want to see the more extreme application of Sod’s Law such as the unemployed man who threw himself under a train with the next weekend’s winning lottery ticket in his pocket.’
Politicians were quick to oppose the Archbishop’s ideas. Home Secretary, Jacqui Smith, told journalists that to fragment British Law set a dangerous precedent, unaware of the pigeon dropping on the shoulder of her brand new suit. Leader of the Opposition David Cameron condemned Dr Williams’ views to the House of Commons, but Sod’s Law dictated that the Members’ Bar had just opened so no MPs were in the house to hear it.
Sod’s Law has already been introduced in some parts of the UK. New Welsh secretary, Paul Murphy, introduced his own version of the law in Wales this month. From 1 February ‘Murphy’s Law’ dictates that anyone who applies for a public sector post will be interviewed by panel that includes the driver you crashed into on the way to the interview or an ex-girlfriend who found you in bed with her sister.
Ironically the Archbishop’s comments caused grave offence to one Muslim cleric who immediately issued a fatwa calling for ‘the infidel leader’s wicked tongue to be struck from his mouth for suggesting that there could ever be any other law other than the one true code of ‘Sharia Law.’ But as luck would have it, the microphone had just broken so nobody heard him.
Posted on Newsbiscuit: 9 February 2008 by MitchellAdcow

Sunday, 10 February 2008

Chelsea 0 - 0 Liverpool

... two points dropped at home on a day when Man U were beaten at home is a cause for serious depression. Add to that, the fact that it was possibly the dullest game at The Bridge thus far this season and Arsenal, playing tomorrow, can go 5pts clear on the Mancs and 8 points clear of us makes it even worse.

A weakened Liverpool without Torres and a host of others were there for the taking and had we got the penalty that everyone but Mr Reiley saw when Mascherano took out Joe Cole in the first half things might have been diffrerent - but they weren't

BBC called it a "gritty goalless draw" which did little for the differing aspirations of either side. I just call it a dull disappointment

Tuesday, 5 February 2008

Newsbiscuit hits the spot again

Are you getting tired of polls and pundits telling you the likely outcome of elections only for them to get things spectacularly wrong ??

Over to NewsBiscuit for another slice of 'on the money' irony

Polls predicting pollsters will get US election wrong, may be wrong

Key national opinion polls in the 2008 US election race may be wildly inaccurate according to a new poll of opinion polls. However, pundits have predicted that the new poll will prove to be wrong as American voters take to the polls in the next round of US primaries.

Cole Lymon of McBride Munro McBride conceded: “We got it wrong in Iowa, we got it wrong in New Hampshire and we got it wrong in Michigan and Florida. But I am totally confident that we will get it wrong on Super Tuesday. Of course there is always a chance we might get it right, but that would be such an abberation, that that would actually be wrong as well.’

Sol Brockstein, a commentator on NSBC’s Election Round-Up, and a former blogger for the Clinton campaign, penned a strongly worded letter in the New York Times in which he condemned ‘the more lunatic fringes of the polling community’. His attack appeared to be aimed at those pollsters who had predicted a landslide for Democrat John Edwards in Iowa; a late swing to Republican Fred Thompson in New Hampshire and a possible win by an outsider in Michigan. Among the outsiders named were Osama Bin Laden (due to misprinted ballot forms), Justin Timberlake (not running) and John F Kennedy (who was assassinated in 1963).

Analysis of the early polls by research firm Hudson Hall concluded that there were too many pollsters involved in the elections, although, conflicting research by the Hayz Institute in Michigan concluded that voters felt they weren’t being polled enough.

And yet the average American has now been polled at least seventeen times since the election campaign began. By the time the battle moves on to the race for the White House the entire American population will have been polled at least fifty-six times and will have changed their mind an estimated 70% of the time, usually while actually being questioned.

Cole Lymon adds: ‘I think that pollsters, pundits, bloggers, opinion formers, lobbyists and marketeers have overlooked an underlying characteristic of the American voter. Sometimes the shit they do is just plain weird.’ Frank Trudeau of pollsters Lupus agrees. ‘The bottom line is no-one really knows what the American people are thinking, or indeed if they are. I don’t know, what do you think?’

Posted: 5 February 2008 by darkbill

Saturday, 2 February 2008

Pompey 1 - 1 Chelsea

Down to the south coast to find Diarra and Glen Johnson getting a run out against their old club whist Defoe also starts for Pompey having made a transfer deadline day move. For the mighty Blues, Ashley replaces Bridgey and Be-Hiam comes in for the suspended Carvahlio.

The first half hour is end to end stuff with chances going begging for both teams but Chelsea should be ahead when a header from Ballack, from a Belletti corner, is cleared off the line by Niko Kranjcar. Then a moment of madness from Maka sees his pass intercepted by Baros but but Ballack dives in to save the day. The final action of the half sees an Anelka shot smothered by David James.

The second half starts as a similarly even affair until on 55mins a Maka clearence finds Malouda whose long crossfield pass is coushioned into the path of Anelka by Joe Cole for the opening goal. However it doesn't last long as a hoof from James is flicked on by Baros into the path of Defoe who despite looking offside, still slots home on his debut. It's 1-1 and Pompey have their tails up. Avram responds on 73mins by replacing Malouda with Pizarro as the Blues go 4-4-2 (ish) - Joe Cole and SWP go wide. Its end to end stuff with 15mins to go, first Defoe has an effort brilliantly closed down by Cech only for Chelsea to go straight up the other but SWP drags his shot wide. Its 89mins and Defoe skys a pass from Diarra to miss a great chance for Pompey to win it and then on 91 minutes a Belletti corner is met with a thumping header from Alex but its straight at David James.

... and that's it, a great second half for the neutrals but on a day when Man U dropped 2 point to Spurs, we've squandered a chance to close the gap.